It's time for another #RevPit #10Queries post! In case you missed my last one, you can find it here.
Query writing can seem impossible. You have to fit so much in to one page: summarize your story, hook the agent, make it seem marketable, and include a bio.
#RevPit is here to help you (along with tons of other amazing Twitter pitch events)!
This month, we threw a #10Queries event where editors reviewed submissions from 10 writers. We then tweeted our thoughts on each submission in the hopes that it will help others learn from them. Below you can find a thread with all my queries and advice!
Guess what?! It's time for my #RevPit #10Queries! I'm so excited. Honestly, most of these were great and had small things wrong. There are quiet a few that I really want to read. I'm so excited about all of them! pic.twitter.com/ZuR2kqUWsj
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Let's begin with a breakdown of the genres I have:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
5 Adult, 4 Young Adult, 1 Middle Grade.
5 Fantasy, 1 Urban Fantasy, 1 Mystery, 1 Contemporary Fantasy, 1 SciFi, 1 Dystopian. #RevPit #10Queries
Q1: A/M, 1st para is confusing& doesn't pull me in. It's Dual POV, give us more about each, focus on the characters more to draw us in to the mystery. 1st P should be about setting up the mystery, 2nd should introduce the other POV and deepening the stakes. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P1: POV is a little confusing, 3rd limited or omniscient? Using devices like letters can be tricky, don't repeat the contents too much, give us the full thing once or piecemeal without repetitions. Great job building the mystery, but build character a more #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q2: A/F Very clear query. Stakes and obstacles and world are laid out well. Honestly, the only thing needed are some minor tweaks and a little more voice. There is tons of voice in the bio, I love it. Now I want to see that throughout the rest of the query. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P2: Writing is clear, right into a hook, slowly worldbuilding. But I'm missing the connection to the POV MC, I can't tell who they are and I'm confused by some of their thoughts. I like being in their head, but need to connect w/them more by being more personal #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q3: YA/F The characters are clear, but I'm missing the excitement and hook. Focus on conflict & stakes & what makes them unique/sparkle. The excitement really starts in the 3rd para when unknown is revealed. What makes this book different? Make it sparkle #RevPit #10Queries pic.twitter.com/8dQECvt925
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P3: Love the voice & details in opening. More of this personality in query and rest of the pgs. Conflicting motivations at play w/ the MC. Be careful of too many matter of fact statements with the same format, vary sentence structure & dig deeper into emotions #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q4: YA SF Only teases at conflict & stakes and focuses too much on set-up. There are some great details, but they're thrown away instead of drawing me in. Give more detail that shows where the story is going & less on world. Skip to the action to lure me in #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P4: Emotion isn't connecting w/ action, they feel related but not interwoven. Show more hope, conviction. Less formality will help readers connect w/ emotion & MC. When POV is super formal it can create a barrier & your 1st pgs are about forging a connection #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q5: A/F Honestly, this sounds great. The stakes and conflict are clear & interesting. I already want to read it. The only thing I could recommend at this stage, is what is your hook? What makes this story different and unique from the other fantasies out there? #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P5: Great use of emotion and imagery, I'm totally drawn in. Be careful with background info. You aren't dumping it, per se, but there is so much information peppered into the beginning that it verges on a dump. Spread it out a bit so we can piece it together. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q6: YA/F Great title! Love concept. Too much time on plot & not enough connection w/ internal struggles and stakes. Give us more internal conflict to let us connect with the MC in the query. Pairing down the plot might make it a little clearer and cleaner. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P6: There's too much backstory and things seem too b& w. The concept is cool, but characters are clearly bad/good w/ no grey. Interest lies in the nuance, your villains shouldn't be pure evil. Lighten the backstory and draw us in as the plot moves forward #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q7: MG/CF Clean & intriguing. We have a lot of word count left, give us more plot. You have a great start, but what is at stake here and what is the conflict? I can guess some of it, but lay it out and show us what it is. I feel like we're missing out on a lot #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P7: This has a great clear voice. But often, authors in MG try to capture the voice by including things like 1-word sentence: "Weird." It points a huge arrow to the fact that something is off or MC is naive. Trust readers to get that through world interactions #RevPit #10Queries pic.twitter.com/oVxxjuSZMZ
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q8: A/UF A lot of space is given to set up. It's important, but focus on stakes & conflict. You get to them eventually, but they feel like an afterthought, dive into them to show us where the story is going & what will hook us in. More relationships/connection #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P8: Wow, I love the voice. Where was this in the query? Hooked me in immediately. I'm not seeing much to fix here, but the query has me worried about where the plot is heading, so there may be problems further in. This just shows the importance of a great query #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q9: A/F This is intriguing, but the whole thing feels like a hook without the grounding of setting. The stakes and conflict are clear, but there isn't emotion/internal conflict to make it relatable and to connect me with the MC. 1/2 #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q9 Cont: I feel like the advice to focus on stakes and conflict was taken a little too far and I'm missing a connection with the MC. They feel emotionless because I don't know what they struggle with internally #RevPit #10Queries 2/2
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P9: We're getting a lot of character depth, which I love. But feels like a slightly disguised info dump. We're getting too much backstory and politics. Pepper that in as we go. I love seeing the MC react to it, but we need to learn as the story moves forward #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q10: YA/Dys Please, all caps for the title! The story and representation is very intriguing! But without character connection I'm lost between point A and point B. I need more internal struggle and motivation with the stakes. 1/2 #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Q10 cont: Amplify the stakes and conflict and MC representation. The pieces are here, but I'm missing the connection and the voice. Show more detail, you have the available word count! 2/2 #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P10: Too soon for a flashback, we need to get to know the characters as they are now before a flashback so that it reveals something new we hadn't expected or known. 1/2 #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
P10 Cont: We need more that is telling who these characters are and what sets them apart besides their looks. More telling details and movements that show *them*, not just the world. Put importance on more telling details. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
And that's it for my #RevPit #10Queries! Wow this hour flew by fast.
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
*I'm around for any questions you may have!*
In the meantime: If you are addicted to 10Queries, you can see my last round from October here: https://t.co/3XtY73WcpA #querytip #writingtips
And if you need more advice, check out: @QueryConnection, a new forum for authors to peer review queries before submitting to agents. AND they are doing editor critiques in the next few weeks!
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) February 3, 2020
Or @StoryChatRadio a podcast about writing advice derived from movies #writingtips pic.twitter.com/Hwoqwpu4nh