Are you getting ready to submit your query to an agent? Query writing can be difficult. How are you supposed to summarize your story, hook the agent, make it seem marketable, and include a bio in less than one page?! Luckily, there are a lot of Twitter events that help you hone your query and 1st 5 pages.
#RevPit is a fabulous group of editors that come together throughout the year to help writers polish their manuscripts in order to catch the eye of an agent. I've been a part of #RevPit from the beginning and can't say enough about how wonderful it is!
This month, we threw a #10Queries event where editors reviewed submissions from 10 writers. We then tweeted our thoughts on each submission in the hopes that it will help others learn from them. Below you can find a thread with all my queries and advice!
It's time for my #RevPit #10Queries! Get ready for a very long thread where I analyze 10 anonymous queries and 1st 5 pages. They were all great in their own way, but they all could grow and be slightly more polished. However, I want to read them ALL! Hurry and get pubbed!
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q1: YA Scifi, Very interesting concept, but falls a little flat at times with over explaining the plot. Try to use more gripping words and show more personality in the query. Great hook at the end, but could use more of that mystery up front. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P1: Too much of a play by play. Show us what's important, not every action. Careful w/ flashbacks, they are info-dumps. Let us learn info as we move through plot w/ the MC. 3rd person present is tough POV, feels like you want 1st but didn't for some reason. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q2: YA CF, Great query, really shows the plot and characters clearly. Beginning of a wry voice that I love, but could use more of. It is almost there, but lacking in the strong voice that I see hints of. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P2: Voice! Right into action. I've gotten to know MC via details and internal comments/humor. But the minor switch to another POV is jarring. I assume this will be multi POV, but each section should be balanced. Try to keep it to 1 chap or 1 switch per chap. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q3: YA F Story is interesting, but there isn't enough detail to show what is special about it. Too broad of a plot/world. It's clear, but not focused enough so I'm not connecting. Be specific about the mystery, the magic, and the MC, not vague... #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q3 cont: Too much time is spent on your bio when the story is what should really shine. Tip for all: remember that you are the secondary selling point, the story should come first. Only go into detail where it amplifies the story/selling. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P3: Great clean writing and wonderful use of detail. But pepper in the details of the magic as we go. It is tempting to start with an explanation, but instead start where the story begins and the character development begins... #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P3 cont: You don't have to jump into the inciting incident, but jump into the story and keep the timeline consistent. Give clear concise details that explain the world in the simplest, quickest terms as soon as the information becomes relevant. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q4: A Thriller, This story is intriguing! Q can be repetitive, we have the realization about a big element twice. Love circumstances but need more conflict. Yes inner conflict, but what outer conflict is driving the story? To what end are the characters headed? #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P4: Normally I don't like not starting with the MC, but it works. I would be sure to keep it short and simple though. Great peppering in of details. I'm slowly learning about the driving force, and it is A+. Good use of detail, but could use more specifics. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P4 cont: I'd love a little more internal emotion from current POV character to really connect with them. Circumstances are clear, as are actions, but internal emotions/conflict should be more apparent for readers to connect. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q5: A Suspense, structure is off. Missing hook & bio, & last para feels like there isn't confidence in the piece. Remember, the query is not a synopsis, we don't want a cold explanation of events, but an opener that hooks us in and makes us want to read more. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q5 cont: Too much info was packed in. It may not be everything, but it is so stuffed that it feels like you tried to get everything in instead of focusing on hook, MC and conflict. Keep it simple and show us the mood/conflict of the MS, not the whole story. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P5:Clean & evocative. But the structure jumps around. I'm not grounded & don't know who the MC is. Drive the story w/ MC doing instead of musing. The vignette format, while pretty, doesn't pull me into a story, it distracts. Show where we are going & head there #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q6: Scifi, Missing target audience. Great word choice throughout. Structure is a off b/c I'm jumping around, not in the flow. Start with the hook, then pull back, show us the MC & the conflict, stakes, and decision making. A little too much spent on backstory. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P6: Beautiful, specific word choices. I'm pulled in immediately. I could use a bit more grounding as we are covering a lot of information. Maybe give more detail later as it becomes pertinent. But overall, I loved it! #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q7: YA F, Definitely personality! Intrigued by the world but we're jumping around. A lot of detail, but what is the main driving conflict? How does it start and why is the MC involved? It is a little jumbled, but w/ some clarity & reorganizing it would be great.#RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P7: Formatted incorrectly. It should always be double-spaced when agents or others ask for pages. Pay attention to what they ask for, sometimes something as minor as not following the rules can count against you. I only read half, to keep to the 5 pages rule... #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P7 cont: We have too much information trying to be conveyed through internal monologue/dialogue. Show us as we need to know about it, instead, fuse to MC and show us who they are. #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q8: MG F, Very interesting concept, but buried the lead until the end. Show both POVs equally in the query when there are only 2. Balance it so we know quickly that there will be two & so we get to know both MCs. A few grammatical mistakes, be very careful! #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P8: Great use of MG voice. Maybe starting in the wrong place. I don't usually say this, but it might be starting too late. It seems the exciting inciting incident happened off screen before. Great MC development, but start with that exciting moment instead #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q9: YA F, Great title, but query is very long. Keep the hook simple and to the point. I love all of the detail and humor. I'm all about the themes. But we need to simplify it down and not over explain what it is about/evokes #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P9: This might seem silly, but my biggest crit is that there is an overuse of the character names. That may seem small & inconsequential, but it can make a huge difference. Overuse of names leaves the story feeling stilted/repetitive. Otherwise, wonderful! #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Q10: YA Cont, Very clean! Some humor/personality that could be strengthened. Could use more emphasis on stakes beyond it would be "good for MC." Other than that, really solid! #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
P10: Umm... this was so good. I'm already invested in the MC and the world. My only note would be to use more powerful words at emotionally high moments. Other than that, this was a wonderful note to end on! #RevPit #10Queries
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
Some notes on what was most prevalent:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
-Be specific with the details. Broad strokes aren't interesting, focused details show us your story/world better
-Structure, structure, structure! Keep the format clean and sequential, don't jump around.
1/?#RevPit #10Queries
More notes cont:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
- Follow the rules! Mistakes happen, don't beat yourself up about them. But please try to read all rules that the agent sets up. The say them for a reason. We don't waste our time laying it all out there for nothing.
2/?#RevPit #10Queries
More notes cont:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
-People forget to put voice in the query or shy away from it. Voice is akin to personality. Show the way you write, is it wry? Humorous? Don't tell us, use that humor in the query! Get the facts out there, yes, but use personality
3/?#RevPit #10Queries
More notes cont:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
- Finding the right place to start is difficult. We need to grow the MC and get the story moving with action. Too soon or too late and we won't care about the MC or we'll be bored with nothing happening. Find that balance
4/?#RevPit #10Queries
And finally:
— Carly Hayward, Editor (@FromCarly) October 25, 2019
- Word and detail choice is everything. Simple words are great, but powerful words are even better. Don't waste time with a long description if one powerful word can replace it. Interesting details are more important that a lot of details.
5/5#RevPit #10Queries